Sometimes you have to ask yourself the question “to what end?” To some extent this most recent hiatus from painting has been a crisis. It has also just been a break, a time to focus on other creative outlets. I’ve driven myself really hard the last few years to improve as an artist. I’ve had goals set and achieved. I’ve had setbacks. But until last October, I just kept moving forward.
There wasn’t any traumatic event or real reason that I could pin down to explain my sudden halt. I just stopped. Then I didn’t think much about painting for months on end. Of course I thought about it here and there and even wanted to paint on numerous occasions, but I just couldn’t make myself do it.
It’s around this point that I started to wonder: to what end? Why am I pushing myself to paint even if I don’t always want to? What are my long term goals with art? Do I even like making art? None of these are easy questions to answer for myself.
Even as I question the very reason behind my art, I’ve pushed forward in other ways. This summer I started attending farmers markets as a vendor and have had some small success selling my art. I’ve made connections within my local art community and put a small sample of my art in a local art shop. Yet I still haven’t been making new art. When I occasionally do, it is very much a forced activity.
I think these questions have a lot to do with burnout. And a need to set long term goals for myself. At the moment, I can’t think of what I want long term from art. I have some ideas for short term projects that I would like to do, but to what end?
In the past I painted because I had a strong internal drive, because I enjoyed the learning process, and I loved the sense of satisfaction it brought me. My ultimate goal was to make a living selling my art, but that goal felt so unachievable. Do I continue to work toward that same goal?
Your work is beautiful but I feel you on the burnout. I have so many things that I want to write but can’t seem to make myself actually write. I also think I have some anxiety that I need to address.
Good for you for getting selling at Farmer’s Markets and art shops!
Thank you. Burnout is definitely a tricky problem to work through. I hope you start writing again.
I love your art! I’ve been in the same burned out place. Haven’t painted anything since December… thought I’d push myself at least to do a blog post or two. Know just how you feel…
Thank you. It’s definitely a challenging problem to work though. I hope you are able to get back to painting soon. For me, I think getting back into blogging is really good motivation. I don’t have anything to post about if I haven’t painted anything new. Good luck! 🙂